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    joke of the day.............

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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:45 am

    CKJ505 wrote:This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:51 am

    > "Hello, Señor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
    >
    > "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
    >
    > "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".
    >
    > "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?"
    >
    > "Si, Señor, that's the one."
    >
    > "darn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did
    > he die from?"
    >
    > "From eating the rotten meat, Señor Rod.."
    >
    > "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
    >
    > "Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
    >
    > "Dead horse? What dead horse?"
    >
    > "The thoroughbred, Señor Rod."
    >
    > "My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
    >
    > "Yes, Señor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
    >
    > "Are you insane? What water cart?"
    >
    > "The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."
    >
    > "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
    >
    > "The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
    >
    > "What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of
    > a candle?!"
    >
    > "Yes, Señor Rod."
    >
    > "But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
    >
    > "For the funeral, Señor Rod."
    >
    > "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
    >
    > "Your wife's, Señor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I
    > thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g
    > titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
    >
    > SILENCE ...
    > LONG SILENCE ...
    > VERY LONG SILENCE ...
    >
    > "Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep dung."

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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:14 am

    maxim9691 wrote:

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    Agreed - much better than my last one.
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:45 am

    I did a theatrical performance about puns.

    It was a play on words...Embarassed
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:25 am

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

    Then it dawned on me.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:12 am

    While I was in Dublin, I purchased a book on Anti-Gravity.

    I can't put it down.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:46 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:While I was in Dublin, I purchased a book on Anti-Gravity.

    I can't put it down.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    I saw the sequel, all about gravity, but couldn't pick it up...

    tongue sunny sunny sunny
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:53 pm

    purpleblues1 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:While I was in Dublin, I purchased a book on Anti-Gravity.

    I can't put it down.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    I saw the sequel, all about gravity, but couldn't pick it up...

    tongue sunny sunny sunny

    Nearly as lame as mine..... Laughing
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:33 am

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:12 am

    When chemists die, their family's barium.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 22, 2012 8:40 am

    Kramor2K3K : I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Fri Jun 22, 2012 8:45 am

    CKJ505 wrote:Kramor2K3K : I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Laughing
    I wonder what Kramor's beard looked like before it grew on him ... ?
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 22, 2012 8:53 am

    Ymaginatif wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:Kramor2K3K : I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    I wonder what Kramor's beard looked like before it grew on him ... ?

    There is a beardless video of him somewhere going slightly craaaaazie....[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Jun 26, 2012 6:33 am

    Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost his job because he couldn't control his pupils?

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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:23 am

    Energiser bunny arrested.

    Charged with battery.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:40 pm

    I was reading to my son this evening from Roald Dahl's 'James & the Giant Peach'.

    "You have a lot of boots" James murmured,

    "I have a lot of legs" the Centipede replied.

    CK thinks ' I have a lot of boots too.....' dj


    Last edited by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:41 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spelling.....)
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    Jfrost

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Jfrost on Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:49 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:I was reading to my son this evening from Roald Dahl's 'James & the Giant Peach'.

    "You have a lot of boots" James murmured,

    "I have a lot of legs" the Centipede replied.

    CK thinks ' I have a lot of boots too.....' dj

    Books you have books CK study

    That Irish accent
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 29, 2012 5:05 pm

    Jfrost wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:I was reading to my son this evening from Roald Dahl's 'James & the Giant Peach'.

    "You have a lot of boots" James murmured,

    "I have a lot of legs" the Centipede replied.

    CK thinks ' I have a lot of boots too.....' dj

    Books you have books CK study

    That Irish accent

    rofl

    Ahem...and I have a lot of books. Very Happy
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Jul 04, 2012 8:26 am

    Jokes about German sausages are the wurst. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Sun Jul 29, 2012 8:54 am

    Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

    "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

    Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

    Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Jul 30, 2012 6:13 pm

    maxim9691 wrote:Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

    "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

    Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

    Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

    Laughing

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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:14 am

    Paddy walks into a pub,
    he sees CK sitting there, having a great time with his family
    He walks up to CK and says 'happy birthday'.

    ...

    Wait a minute ... this isn't a joke?!!

    Have a great day CK! cheers
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:44 am

    Ymaginatif wrote:Paddy walks into a pub,
    he sees CK sitting there, having a great time with his family
    He walks up to CK and says 'happy birthday'.

    ...

    Wait a minute ... this isn't a joke?!!

    Have a great day CK! cheers

    I will try....[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Keeping in line with the topic.....

    How does Moses make his tea?







    Hebrews it! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    The Italian Wedding Test

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:33 am

    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
    So we decided to get married.

    There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

    She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

    It had to be deliberate, she never did it around anyone else.

    One day she called me and asked me to come over.
    'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said...?

    She was alone when I arrived, she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
    she couldn't overcome them anymore.

    She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

    She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

    I stood there for a moment...
    Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
    I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

    And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
    He said, 'Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
    We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
    Welcome to the family my son..'

    And the moral of this story is:
















    Always keep your contraseptives in your car.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Aug 23, 2012 3:48 am

    Do you know who has given kids a bad name?


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