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    joke of the day.............

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    CKJ505

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    Lovely Day

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:05 am

    What happens if you put a duck in a microwave?

    It's Bill Withers.

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    fkkScoop

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by fkkScoop on Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:12 am

    Huh...Lost in Translation....any help?! Rolling Eyes
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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:59 am

    fkkScoop wrote:Huh...Lost in Translation....any help?! Rolling Eyes

    I'm sure you have a microwave ... now find a duck somewhere! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:16 am

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    Jfrost

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Jfrost on Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:08 pm

    Poor Scoop

    A ducks beak is called a bill

    and to wither is to sort of melt

    so the ducks beak melts or its bill withers or Bill Withers
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    fkkScoop

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by fkkScoop on Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:29 am

    Jfrost wrote:Poor Scoop

    A ducks beak is called a bill

    and to wither is to sort of melt

    so the ducks beak melts or its bill withers or Bill Withers

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    Mace2theO

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Mace2theO on Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:56 am

    Jfrost wrote:Poor Scoop

    A ducks beak is called a bill

    and to wither is to sort of melt

    so the ducks beak melts or its bill withers or Bill Withers


    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] the idea of Frosty translating CK for scoop is funnier than the joke



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:25 am

    Mace2theO wrote:
    Jfrost wrote:Poor Scoop

    A ducks beak is called a bill

    and to wither is to sort of melt

    so the ducks beak melts or its bill withers or Bill Withers


    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] the idea of Frosty translating CK for scoop is funnier than the joke

    rofl rofl rofl

    Way funnier than the joke! Nice one Maceo!






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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu May 10, 2012 9:03 am

    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.

    " McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.

    "Waddington-Smith ,England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.

    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing." [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Thu May 10, 2012 7:44 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.

    " McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.

    "Waddington-Smith ,England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.

    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing." [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Laughing Laughing Laughing



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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Thu May 17, 2012 9:27 pm

    A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

    He answered, "That's okay."

    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

    The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..

    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

    "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..

    "How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."



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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Fri May 18, 2012 1:39 am

    maxim9691 wrote:A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

    He answered, "That's okay."

    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

    The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..

    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

    "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..

    "How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing : - thanks CK, brought a BIG grin to my face this morning.. just got to try to remember it for later...Smile



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri May 18, 2012 6:33 am

    purpleblues1 wrote:
    maxim9691 wrote:A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

    He answered, "That's okay."

    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

    The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..

    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

    "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..

    "How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] : - thanks CK, brought a BIG grin to my face this morning.. just got to try to remember it for later...[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    I will gladly take that....[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Mon May 21, 2012 3:03 am

    The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

    The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mpg, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Patrol in his mirror.

    He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."

    The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and how to handle it.

    "It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief.

    "No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important."

    "Is it the Governor?" replied the chief.

    "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

    "Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief.

    "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

    "Well WHO IN THE HECK is it?" screams the chief.

    "I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon May 21, 2012 3:38 am

    purpleblues1 wrote:The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

    The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mpg, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Patrol in his mirror.

    He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."

    The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and how to handle it.

    "It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief.

    "No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important."

    "Is it the Governor?" replied the chief.

    "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

    "Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief.

    "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

    "Well WHO IN THE HECK is it?" screams the chief.

    "I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."

    Classic - [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Mon May 21, 2012 4:26 am

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    maxim9691

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by maxim9691 on Mon May 21, 2012 7:10 am

    purpleblues1 wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Thanks CKJ, that was very funny Very Happy



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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon May 21, 2012 7:30 am

    MaXim, you are on the ball. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    With an answer to Pb's quite true statement:

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    Hoping that this offends no one...[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue May 29, 2012 3:48 am

    I changed my iPod name to Titanic.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    It's syncing now. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed May 30, 2012 3:44 am

    Cartoonist found dead at home.

    Details are sketchy.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu May 31, 2012 4:58 am

    A soldier who survived a mustard gas & pepper spray attack is now a seasoned veteran.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Mace2theO

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Mace2theO on Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:28 am

    CKJ505 wrote:Cartoonist found dead at home. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Details are sketchy.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:35 am

    Velcro - what a rip off![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:30 am

    What does a clock do when it's hungry?

    It goes back four seconds![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:26 am

    This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Re: joke of the day.............

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