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    joke of the day.............

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    purpleblues1

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    joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:36 pm


    A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

    "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer replied.

    "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" asked the Leprechaun.

    "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answered in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise." And with that, the golfer walks off.

    'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun said to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want; a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

    A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy said. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

    "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answered. "I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He added, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

    "Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" the little guy asked.

    "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer stated. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out €100 notes I didn't even know were there!"

    "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" asked the Leprechaun.

    The golfer blushed, turned his head away in embarrassment, and said shyly, "It's OK."

    "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

    Blushing even more, the golfer looked around, then whispered, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

    "What?" exclaimed the Leprechaun in shock and disbelief. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

    "Well," replied the golfer, "I believe that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
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    ElCyC

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by ElCyC on Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:31 pm

    Funny
    although in Belgium for the moment could have a bad interpretation (priests and ...)
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:36 am

    A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

    Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."

    "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you ?" "Oh, no," said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I grab it and say : '20 dollars or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag ?" "Well, you know,.... not everybody pays.....
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    darkcloud1721

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by darkcloud1721 on Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:43 pm

    purpleblues1 wrote:
    A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

    "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer replied.

    "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" asked the Leprechaun.

    "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answered in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise." And with that, the golfer walks off.

    'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun said to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want; a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

    A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy said. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

    "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answered. "I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He added, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

    "Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" the little guy asked.

    "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer stated. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out €100 notes I didn't even know were there!"

    "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" asked the Leprechaun.

    The golfer blushed, turned his head away in embarrassment, and said shyly, "It's OK."

    "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

    Blushing even more, the golfer looked around, then whispered, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

    "What?" exclaimed the Leprechaun in shock and disbelief. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

    "Well," replied the golfer, "I believe that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

    Ok so I know i'm wrong but.... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    darkcloud1721

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by darkcloud1721 on Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:45 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

    Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."

    "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you ?" "Oh, no," said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I grab it and say : '20 dollars or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag ?" "Well, you know,.... not everybody pays.....
    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] It's official there is something def wrong with me. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    fkkScoop

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by fkkScoop on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:38 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

    Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."

    "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you ?" "Oh, no," said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I grab it and say : '20 dollars or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag ?" "Well, you know,.... not everybody pays.....


    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Guest on Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:29 pm

    A cute little one.

    Why is 6 afraid?

    Because 789.
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Nov 16, 2010 5:49 am

    A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
    Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
    The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.


    The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
    The husband thought for a moment: 'well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
    The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.


    So the fairy waved her magic wand and boom! The husband became 92 years old.
    Moral: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Tue Nov 16, 2010 11:50 am

    CKJ505 wrote:A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
    Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
    The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.


    The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
    The husband thought for a moment: 'well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
    The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.


    So the fairy waved her magic wand and boom! The husband became 92 years old.
    Moral: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:25 am

    One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.. affraid

    The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied,

    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" cheers
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:03 am

    I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. sunny

    'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

    So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' Boom! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    Jfrost

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Jfrost on Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:38 am

    CKJ505 wrote:I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. sunny

    'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

    So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' Boom! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    You got to love Bredan Grace [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:40 pm

    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller for 14.99. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 7.99. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:30 am

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing guitar, Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] 1-0!
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    darkcloud1721

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by darkcloud1721 on Mon Nov 22, 2010 1:50 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing guitar, Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] 1-0!

    rofl can u tell i'm single! lol
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:42 am

    Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

    'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

    'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

    The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

    'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

    'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.


    The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

    'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

    'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.


    'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

    But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'



    The third piggy says -

    'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
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    fkkScoop

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by fkkScoop on Mon Nov 29, 2010 2:13 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

    'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

    'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

    The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

    'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

    'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.


    The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

    'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

    'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

    'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.


    'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

    But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'



    The third piggy says -

    'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!


    Mmhh...some similarity to your old life CK? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


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    But very funny [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Nov 29, 2010 3:53 pm

    Pretty much sums up CK's youthful adventures. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Mon Nov 29, 2010 4:38 pm

    CK was youthful until, what is it .. 3 months ago? rofl
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:21 pm

    Ymaginatif wrote:CK was youthful until, what is it .. 3 months ago? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Yep! 3 months ago I finally grew up

    (much like M876543210) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Tue Nov 30, 2010 5:50 am

    Middle age kicked in with a sense of sobriety!

    Heck, if you get a Prince guitar for it in the bargain, I can't wait for middle age to catch up with me!!! cheers
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    purpleblues1

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by purpleblues1 on Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:57 am

    CKJ505 wrote:
    Ymaginatif wrote:CK was youthful until, what is it .. 3 months ago? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Yep! 3 months ago I finally grew up

    (much like M876543210) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    (Gulp) ... is this sensibility contagious? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] ... am feeling a little under the weather today? onset of middle agitis? what were the stmptoms again Dr CKJ? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:01 pm

    purpleblues1 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:
    Ymaginatif wrote:CK was youthful until, what is it .. 3 months ago? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Yep! 3 months ago I finally grew up

    (much like M876543210) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    (Gulp) ... is this sensibility contagious? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] ... am feeling a little under the weather today? onset of middle agitis? what were the stmptoms again Dr CKJ? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    The symptoms of "middleagistis" is depression from drinking buckets of beer all day and all night.

    Entropy saved my life and that is a fact! and I thank you all here for that. (could by lyrics there).

    CK was [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    CK is [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by Ymaginatif on Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:36 pm

    so ... that guitar ... is actually ... rightfully ours then?
    Laughing
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    CKJ505

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    Re: joke of the day.............

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:51 pm

    Ymaginatif wrote:so ... that guitar ... is actually ... rightfully ours then?
    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] scratch Uh? Wait! Wait just one minute there, Oh I see, Uou lure me in then Bam! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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    Re: joke of the day.............

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