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    Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by Ymaginatif on Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:57 am

    rofl

    CK, you're the best!



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:19 am

    When visiting a motorway service station for a cup of tea and a slice of cake, make sure you arrange your bank loan or second mortgage before you get to the tills, saving time and embarrassment. Embarassed






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:48 pm

    Can’t afford contact lenses? Simply cut outsmall circles of cling film
    and press them into your eyes.
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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:35 am

    CINEMA GOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:12 am

    Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.

    :funky2:






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Mon Sep 13, 2010 12:12 pm

    Broke and cannot afford tickets to the latest Prince concert ?

    Worry no longer my friends - reach into that stack of vinyl and grab a record.
    Now before you place it on the turntable be sure that it is prepared properly.
    Have a look and see if the record is in good clean shape and if it is we may have a problem.
    Take that record and rub on the floor by standing on it with your foot.
    Continue to rub until you have scuffed up the record to a good level.
    Now go put that record on the turntable!
    Next get dressed in the usual attire that you might wear to a concert.
    Once that is completed get a friend to help you , for this part you will need a blind fold.
    Now go to the part of the house that is furthest from the record player and place the blind fold on.
    Now have the assistant spin you in circles causing you to become very dizzy (beer may be needed to perform this task properly)
    Once dizzy try to make it to your room where the record player is.
    While doing so be sure that the assistant was instructed to push, kick and hit you as you try to stumble through the house on your way to the record player area.
    It might help with the experience if the record is started before your arrival in the music listening area.
    Now that you have made it the music room and the record player has been started have the assistant take off your blind fold.
    Now Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show.
    Position the assistant or assistants in front of you and have them stand at random moments so that you must stand also to see the record player.
    Now take 60 bucks
    out of your pocket and have one of the assistants tear the bills up in front of your face.

    Congratulations my friend you have now attended a Prince concert!



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    purpleblues1

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by purpleblues1 on Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:14 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.

    :funky2:
    Cool give up



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:17 pm

    I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-upliquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and theother in your coat pocket! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 4:55 pm

    Buy a television setexactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their windowand changing their channel using your identical remote control. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]then run.






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:24 pm

    How to Avoid Being the only Drunk Idiot at a Party

    Go around and keep other party goers drinks filled

    Go outside and spread whipped cream on other people's steering wheels so that will appear to be as drunk as you when they leave

    Tie random people's shoe strings together

    Place cellophane on the toilet set

    Provide two bowls of punch and mark one as "No Alcohol" and one with "Alcohol or Spiked" but then spike them both





    Last edited by maxim9691 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 6:04 pm; edited 1 time in total



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:49 pm

    maxim9691 wrote:How to Avoid Being the only Drunk Idiot at a PartyGo around and keep other party goers drinks filled

    Go outside and spread whipped cream on other people's steering wheels so that will appear to be as drunk as you when they leave

    Tie random people's shoe strings together

    Place cellophane on the toilet set

    Provide two bowls of punch and mark one as "No Alcohol" and one with "Alcohol or Spiked" but then spike them both




    Evil Maxim, EVIL! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 6:05 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:
    maxim9691 wrote:How to Avoid Being the only Drunk Idiot at a PartyGo around and keep other party goers drinks filled

    Go outside and spread whipped cream on other people's steering wheels so that will appear to be as drunk as you when they leave

    Tie random people's shoe strings together

    Place cellophane on the toilet set

    Provide two bowls of punch and mark one as "No Alcohol" and one with "Alcohol or Spiked" but then spike them both




    Evil Maxim, EVIL! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 16, 2010 6:11 pm

    maxim9691 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:
    maxim9691 wrote:How to Avoid Being the only Drunk Idiot at a PartyGo around and keep other party goers drinks filled

    Go outside and spread whipped cream on other people's steering wheels so that will appear to be as drunk as you when they leave

    Tie random people's shoe strings together

    Place cellophane on the toilet set

    Provide two bowls of punch and mark one as "No Alcohol" and one with "Alcohol or Spiked" but then spike them both




    Evil Maxim, EVIL! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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    Must be the Batman side of you coming out to get revenge on your past demons! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:41 pm

    Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool theneighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:52 am

    Get a glimpse of married life by taping Woman's Hour on Radio 4, then playing it back at a higher volume than the TV while trying to watch something on Discovery Wings scared






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:13 am

    Tip of the day
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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:38 pm

    Go Green : Save electricity by turning off all the lightsin your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:13 am

    Rappers: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Jfrost

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by Jfrost on Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:51 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:Rappers: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Nice! Cool
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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:29 am

    Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle afish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house isunderwater. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:43 pm

    Bomb disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on histoes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock. look out






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:01 pm

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Drill a one inch diameterhole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the lightgoes off when the door is closed.






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:52 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Drill a one inch diameterhole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the lightgoes off when the door is closed.

    You learn something everyday !

    And I thought you unscrewed the light bulb, held it in your hand while shutting the door to see if it went out. Laughing



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Sep 29, 2010 5:00 pm

    maxim9691 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Drill a one inch diameterhole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the lightgoes off when the door is closed.

    You learn something everyday !

    And I thought you unscrewed the light bulb, held it in your hand while shutting the door to see if it went out. Laughing

    MaXim has been playing the electric guitar again... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:59 pm

    [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] When throwing someone a sharp instrument such as a Stanley knife, or bread knife, always throw it blade first as they invariably tend to turn whilst in the air.






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