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    Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:14 am

    Convert black labrador dogs into seals by feeding them pastries, sweets and cakes, starving them of exercise, slipping a pair of black socks onto their front paws and smearing their coats in vaseline.

    Then encourage them to balance a beach ball on their nose in return for fish-shaped dog biscuits.
    For full effect teach them to clap! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:23 am

    Give passers by the impression that your dog is well trained by ordering it to do whatever it happens to be doing already.

    "Lay asleep and release gas, good boy!" [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Feb 22, 2011 6:51 am

    During this spring & summer, prevent bees and butterflies stealing your pollen by enclosing each flower head in a plastic bag securely fastened around the stem with a clothes pin.

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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:25 am

    CKJ505 wrote:During this spring & summer, prevent bees and butterflies stealing your pollen by enclosing each flower head in a plastic bag securely fastened around the stem with a clothes pin.

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    Or have a good time with the Bees and Butterflies by knocking the pollen off all of your flowers and replace it with yellow chalk [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:09 am

    maxim9691 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:During this spring & summer, prevent bees and butterflies stealing your pollen by enclosing each flower head in a plastic bag securely fastened around the stem with a clothes pin.

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    Or have a good time with the Bees and Butterflies by knocking the pollen off all of your flowers and replace it with yellow chalk [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    I told the guys at work, they (not me) said to soak Peruvian marching powder (cocaine) in yellow colouring and swap the pollen for said yellow narcotic.
    This would result in a new popular selling honey. Very busy bees! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:11 am

    Disappoint wasps this summer by smearing cold tea on your ears instead of honey. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:52 am

    Weigh toilet rolls on your kitchen scales and record the weight after each visit to the toilet.

    On each occasion deduct the new weight from the previous weight.

    The figure remaining will be the exact weight of toilet tissue which you have used on that particular visit. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:03 am

    High blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:15 am

    CKJ505 wrote:High blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Actually that would probably work.... if you didn't die from blood loss Laughing



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Mar 03, 2011 5:13 am

    Doing a re-spray job on your car? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    Cover it with 'Cling Film' first.

    If you don't like the new colour, simply peel it off and start again. Suspect






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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:42 am

    Stop squirrels and birds taking food from your bird table by placing the food inside a biscuit tin, and securing the lid with superglue & heavy duty duck tape. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:12 am

    When out boozing, keep a photograph of your relatives in your wallet.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    It makes a handy 'drunk-o-meter' to gauge when you've had too much.
    When you start to fancy your aunt, :affraid:stop chatting up the girls.
    If you start to fancy your uncle, [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]leave the pub and catch the first bus home.
    (Not advised if you live with your relatives) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    maxim9691

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by maxim9691 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:50 am

    CKJ505 wrote:When out boozing, keep a photograph of your relatives in your wallet.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    It makes a handy 'drunk-o-meter' to gauge when you've had too much.
    When you start to fancy your aunt, :affraid:stop chatting up the girls.
    If you start to fancy your uncle, [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]leave the pub and catch the first bus home.
    (Not advised if you live with your relatives) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    There should be a disclaimer below this that reads
    THIS METHOD IS INVALID IF YOU LIVE IN ARKANSAS rofl



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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 12:18 pm

    maxim9691 wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:When out boozing, keep a photograph of your relatives in your wallet.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
    It makes a handy 'drunk-o-meter' to gauge when you've had too much.
    When you start to fancy your aunt, :affraid:stop chatting up the girls.
    If you start to fancy your uncle, [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]leave the pub and catch the first bus home.
    (Not advised if you live with your relatives) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    There should be a disclaimer below this that reads
    THIS METHOD IS INVALID IF YOU LIVE IN ARKANSAS [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


    affraid affraid affraid We could have members from there!!! affraid affraid affraid
    They might be offended. Would they know you were poking a stick at them? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:02 am

    If you live in glass house, you should change clothes in the basement. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:48 am

    Tip for life, don't hire a neighbour to do this...

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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:15 am

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    Ymaginatif

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by Ymaginatif on Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:21 am

    CKJ505 wrote:The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    We have to buy a new Jfrost! cheers Do you supose they sell them at Iceland's??
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    The solo-experience: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:49 am

    Ymaginatif wrote:
    CKJ505 wrote:The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

    We have to buy a new Jfrost! cheers Do you supose they sell them at Iceland's??
    ]

    The nearest I could come up with is Jfkost??? original soundtrack...

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by Guest on Mon May 09, 2011 11:42 am

    thtu thank
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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon May 09, 2011 2:37 pm

    masakix wrote:thtu thank

    Is that a tip? I am very confused.. scratch






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Wed May 11, 2011 8:25 am

    War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]






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    CKJ505

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by CKJ505 on Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:43 am

    Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides.
    This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that this was the day of the changeover.
    drv drv






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    purpleblues1

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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

    Post by purpleblues1 on Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:38 pm

    CKJ505 wrote:Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides.
    This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that this was the day of the changeover.
    drv drv

    I heard that as it worked so well ,did it for lorries a week later Smile


    Last edited by purpleblues1 on Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:40 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : tact and diplomacy)



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    CKJ505

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    Love is Blind

    Post by CKJ505 on Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:05 am

    This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto:

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    He was married to --- this woman:

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    Her name is Cibele Dorsa.

    She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria's Secret and Playboy model.


    He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:

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    These two are very happily married right now. Nice.

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    Some people argue that love is blind.


    This story clearly proves it...


    It proves that men are capable of real love;
    truly seeing a person’s inner beauty,
    not basing their decisions solely on looks.

    Oh, I forgot to mention...


    The new girl is Athina Onassis.


    She's worth 12 billion dollars.

    No tip here really, just a true story that love is blind... Laughing






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    Re: Tip of the Day ~ Everyday!

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